Loud Smith Media and Publishing


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Day 113 – Thursday hurries

Day 113 – Thursday hurries

Do you ever notice that some days just move faster than other days?  Do you ever feel like you are behind and cannot catch up?  For no reason at all, I felt like that today.  I didn’t sleep in on my short term furnished housing bed and I didn’t take more time than usual in the pool.  I was on target with my departure time and I walked just as quickly as I normally do.  I was on time and yet I was late everywhere I went – does that make any sense at all to you?  I could blame some long red lights if only there had been any – I pretty much hit green lights all day.  Maybe my wristwatch is just falling behind.

Anyway, my lateness led me to feel rushed and when I feel rushed I don’t interact with people as well as I normally do.  This didn’t cause mass effect with the five clients I met with today because they are usually late to our meetings as well.  But I did notice that this rushed attitude did have an impact on my time with Melissa at lunch.  As she talked, I kept checking the clock. I had a pressing meeting with my Lubbock catering client. And I think my voice must have had an abrupt tone to it.  I wanted to be there with her, but something inside of me was pressing forward faster than it needed to be.  She asked me why I wasn’t listening to her and I just said that I was having one of those odd days.  She said she had never seen me like this before – that she had always seen me as fully present when I was with her and that she didn’t like this odd version of me.  We both noted that we should bring this up at our pre-marital counseling because it caused us both problems – me because I wasn’t able to rein this in and her because she didn’t feel listened to. 

Anyway, that’s the way relationships go – this was our first rift or separation moment and I bet those are much more common once the “I Do” is spoken.  I felt bad about it, but I couldn’t do anything about it.  I wondered if I could just fake concentrated love on these odd days – would that be okay?

Meditation:  I stayed in the book of Ezekiel and was moved by this part where an angel was sent to put marks on the heads of those in Israel who grieved the sins of the culture.  Those with head markings would be spared the judgment of God, because they didn’t get involved in the idolatry of their nation and its leaders.  It was like a mini-Passover for individuals who had their whole hearts in line with God and not in line with the junk going on in their country.  This made me wonder what would happen to me in this type of situation – would I be given a mark or would I be seen as someone who had given his heart away to American culture?  I could make several arguments for both sides and that scared me.  How deeply entrenched am I in this sinful world?  Do I grieve and lament the sins of my country or do I just go along with things that I know God hates?  These are questions I need to consider as I press forward in life.  My relationship with Melissa is important but it doesn’t even come close to my relationship with God.  I better get in gear…

That’s all for this rushed day – I hope tomorrow is better.