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My Own Personal Storage Wars

My Own Personal Storage Wars:  Part One

I live in West Texas, where orange dust, mud storms, town-crushing tornadoes, poisonous cotton sprays and deferred hopes for a more beautiful cultural life hang in the air.  We are known for Buddy Holly and Texas Tech and guns and people not messing with us.  And just like anywhere, we have good people who buy stuff and keep stuff and then run out of space for their stuff.  Garages and closets and drawers and attics stuffed with stuff until the stuff sticks out like a swollen gut, requiring either “garage sale liposuction” or some more space elsewhere.

And I have to say that in West Texas, especially in Lubbock, there are some incredible self storage sites.  Lubbock Self Storage is impressive.  They let you bring in your “stuffings”, place them inside climate controlled units where they are secured and protected as if they were the crown jewels.  When you see these places, you cannot help but want to ask if you can rent them as a place to hang on the weekends.  Shut the door on these storage units, install a big screen TV and a comfortable couch and you’ve got a secret spot to nap and jam sports images in your brain.  (I doubt this is allowed, but as an escape from the dust and other people, I wish it were (Pink Floyd Reference).)  Anyway, there are a lot of these fancy and affordable storage sites in Lubbock and the best of them deliver what they promise.

Now as to Storage Wars, I have yet to see the cast from A&E’s Storage show popping the locks on any of these places and allowing auctions to occur on abandoned junk just yet, but I have been contacting them and trying to get them out here for a show.

Why?

Because I bet you would find the most interesting abandoned junk inside of a Lubbock storage shed.

In my series of articles, I am going to tell what I found inside of four such storage sheds and how those items led me to fear about the lives behind the secret stuff hiding behind public closets.  Come on this narrative journey with me as I share my shock and awe…!!!


My Own Personal Storage Wars:  Part Two

Welcome back storage voyeurs!  Here we go again.  Lubbock, Texas.  Affordable Self Storage.  People jamming their extra junk or vital treasures inside of secure spaces beyond their housing so they do not have to throw away, give away or sell their excess.  A brilliant business.

What does it have to do with me?

 

Read more: My Own Personal Storage Wars

Must Read Insanity: Fraternity Hazing

Hey humans in the dream world of West Texas college:

Why do Dartmouth fraternities get all the attention for hazing their super smart and super rich students?

And Cornell?

Aren't we at Texas Tech cool enough to vomit on one another, tie one another up for beatings between brothers, make each other eat excrement or do the super exciting slip and slide tricks through other people's urine and semen?

Dang - I guess we really do suck at being Ivy League smart and Ivy League stupid.  All we can think to do to one another in the name of brotherhood is tip cows onto each other - WEAK!!!  Udderly Weak!!!

Terribly Kidding of course - Reading about the recent news happening at those highly rated colleges makes me glad I turned down my full ride to Harvard so I could learn from the best and brightest at Texas Tech.  (By full ride, I mean taking a round trip taxi back and forth from Harvard campus)

Anyway - just shows smart people can be the dumbest people...

And the reverse:  Pat Robertson can be brilliant - "Legalize Pot" - Heck yeah - I was not even aware that toilets were illegal in this country, but now that I know those porcelain pots are against the law, I am going to write in old Pat for President - (Unless Obama includes legal pots in his new "Yes We Can if we go to Ivy League schools")

Give me toilets or give me death I always say - at thanksgiving - during dinner...

Anyway, since this is a piece sort of dedicated to college at Tech, I want to tell everyone who goes there or who knows someone who goes there to make sure they realize and publicize there is Storage close to Texas Tech.

Yes!!!  Don't talk back.  There most certainly is...

Common belief/cruel rumor has been that Quality Self Storage Facilities (aka Lubbock Storage, Storage Lubbock or Self Storage Lubbock Texas) cannot be within a twenty mile radius of a campus because of the fear of Storage Wars breaking out and leading to student deaths and/or a hippie outbreak in the Business college.

Well, those are just lies from the Bourgeoisie and from the telescreen -

You've never heard of such clamor?  such cacophonous deceit?

Do you live in a cave with yetis?

Anyway, forget you.

Here is the truth anyway:  There is Amazing Storage close to Texas Tech.

Actually for your convenience there are several unbelievable options for Lubbock Storage Units and Lubbock Storage close to Texas Tech.

You know what this means?

It means that you can take your God-given and constitutionally-guaranteed (yeah right) freedom to choose a Texas Tech Storage space nearby wherein you can place your dorm/apartment/frat house/tech terrace rent house goods/valuables that are piling up in Hoarder stacks and pissing off your roommates/rentmoochermates.

Check out http://www.storagetodaylubbock.com, http://www.affordablestoragelubbock.com, http://www.addaclosetstorageoflubbock.com or http://www.storagelubbockaddacloset.com and find out the truth from the world wide web - the only news source you can trust for truth beyond the Bible.

Then go over to one or more of these Lubbock Self Storage sites and get you some of that sweet smelling storage space. Not the junkie kind - these I have suggested have climate control and dust control - and not the faraway kind.

(By the way, right now I am in a very crowded Starbucks coffee house with headphones on jamming out to the loudest possible version of Bad Romance by Lady Gaga - If my headphones become detached from my computer by some freak accident right now, I will literally doo-doo in my pants out of embarrassment.)

But at least then I could probably get into a sweet Ivy League Fraternity - Self-Doo-doo-ing to the beat of Lady Gaga in public gets you an automatic bid and a possible Senate seat later in life...

Okay - that was pure Donlinsanity!!!

You can go now - Class dismissed!!!

PS:  There is Storage close to Texas Tech and now Poker Face is on!!!  Should I jump to something manly like Zeppelin or move it on over to Aaliyah?

How to Publish your Life

Loudsmith Media is a creative publishing house which seeks to raise the volume of transformative stories.

You have a story, don't you?

All those blogs, Facebook updates and daily conversations you have with the weird people in your world, if brought together, would make quite an exciting story.

That's not to say your visits to the toilet and your swiffering of the tile are going to jump off the page like Harry Potter, but if you were to daily free write about your thoughts, feelings, decisions, interactions, observations, reactions, motivations and questions, it would not take long to build a story that would impact other people's worlds.

Read more: How to Publish your Life

how to get published?

okay you brilliant writer

you want to get published, but you cannot get anyone to read your query letter

you cannot get anyone to send you anything but rejection letters

or maybe some company requested your novel, your novella or your brilliant set of short stories about the oxford world filled with vampires and kid magicians and got your hopes up only to kick you in the face with their sudden distaste for your sequences of nouns and verbs...

have you been there?

have you been shot down like everyone else only to see the books at Barnes and Noble that have been written by chimps like Delillo - the books that win pulitzers - which absolutely suck

duck feet?

well, i have advice for you, but you better keep reading my blogs and asking me for mercy or i will not tell you how to get published in this terrible world...

we are the indies

we are the artists

we will create ideas which send people into movements

are you we?

we will see...

Blah-g #2

 

1.  Sadness is not real. It is just a bad sandwich.

2.  When you find yourself being thrown into a meat grinder as a fraternity hazing, just remember that you paid for it and it will all be worth it when you get to drink some booze and bang some drunk ladies who have no self-esteem. Fraternities rule.

3.  If you go to college and they ask you to pay for it and you do pay for it, you have just wasted money and proven that evolution is stupid.

4.  You can always be a shepherd.

 

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